My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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