Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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