Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
