I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
