What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize