She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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