I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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