Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
