I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
