U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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