Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
