I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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