I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
