unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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