You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
