you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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