So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
