You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
