if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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