Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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