So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
