One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
