I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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