I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
