Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
