I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
