Betty ford says i'm here all night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
