we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
