also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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