her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
