Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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