i will never coherently bang her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
