I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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