he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
