Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She said her name was "party"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
