So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
