You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
