I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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