I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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