Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
