Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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