There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
