Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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