dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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