Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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