It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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