there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The uberlube is also flammable
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
