State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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