She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
