So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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