my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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