One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
