I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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