I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
