I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
