He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
