I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
