At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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