no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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