I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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