I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
