We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
