Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
