So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
