If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
