why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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