im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
