Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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