think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
