You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The power of my boobs compel you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
