Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
