i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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