i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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