Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
