i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
