Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
