if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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