Pants 0. Shit 1.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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