I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
