I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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