So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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