apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
