Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
